Now, I don’t want to give the impression that we just ate junk food the entire time we were away—although I do think it would be forgiven since we were on vacation. But, as Girlfriend and I are wont to do, we went to some nice places on our trip around the Maritimes. We spread them out across the whole of Nova Scotia and even threw in a place on Prince Edward Island to make sure we took advantage of what we were there for: seafood.

With mussels selling at the stores for as low as $2.99 a pound (WHAT?!), we knew we had to eat as much as we could from the ocean. Before the trip, I made a list of the things I wanted; fish & chips and P.E.I. mussels were at the top.

The first place we stopped in Halifax, was called the Golden Monkey. It was chosen for a variety of reasons; a great cocktail list, an above-average beer list, and a focus on all the things we love in our food: local, seasonal, pastured, etc. and with options for vegans, vegetarians, and whatever people who can’t eat gluten are called. I opted for the fish and chips right off the bat; I figured it would be a good time to get them out of the way because here they were breaded and baked rather than battered and deep fried. They also came with the house specialty “roasties”—fries cooked in a variety of fresh herbs and spices—and a wonderful house-made tartar sauce that was heavy on the lemon and dill, which really took it to the next level. Girlfriend had a salad with scallops in it, which was so good she actually finished the entire thing.

While we were on Prince Edward Island, I insisted that we had to visit the Gahan House, P.E.I.’s only brewery. How many other people can say they’ve had the only beer brewed on P.E.I.? Not only that, but it was a brewpub and offered plenty of excellent food. We only stopped in for a quick nosh, taking place of a late lunch. Each of us had appetizers; Girlfriend and I opted for the P.E.I. mussels cooked in a broth made from the brewery’s red ale, her sister got the brown bag fish & chips (delicious), and her parents ordered smothered house-made potato chips (picture potato skins: bacon, sour cream, cheese, etc. except with chips) and spare ribs with a sweet and sour dipping sauce. There was plenty of sharing and it actually turned out to be one of the better meals we had. The mussels were especially delicious (of course).

Finally, Girlfriend and I went out with some friends on our last night in Nova Scotia to a new restaurant in Sydney called Flavors, which turned out to be the official caterer of Snoop Dogg[1]. I know! Despite that, the food turned out to be excellent. I started with a seafood chowder, which had chunks of salmon, white fish, shrimp and potatoes and a side of a deliciously buttery and dense tea biscuit. Girlfriend had the mussels in a garlic broth, which were delicious but no match for the Gahan House[2]. For our mains, Girlfriend got citrus scallops with a few sides; the scallops were delicious. I had a scallop, shrimp and chicken curry over brown rice. I cannot use words to describe how excellent this curry was. I was more than a little surprise to discover the best curry I’d ever had at a small restaurant in Sydney, Nova Scotia. But kudos to them for upping the area’s collective ante into the great food pot.

So, we’ve covered junk food and haute cuisine, but we haven’t quite touched on the leftovers: local favorites, coffee shops, and the always-loved home cooking. Check back on Friday for a taste of all that.

[1] He was playing a local festival on Sunday night, which had the entirety of Cape Breton Island in an uproar, as no one ever comes there.

2 The broth turned out to be way too salty.

Not wanting to be left out after two Iowa farms have recalled over 550,000 eggs (that’s almost 46,000 dozen, for those of you keeping track at home) infected with salmonella enteritidis, Zemco Industries of Buffalo, NY has issued a recall of almost 380,000 pounds of processed deli meat contaminated with Listeria monocytogenes, which can cause listeriosis. According to the USDA, this is an “uncommon but potentially fatal disease” which can cause miscarriages, stillbirths, and fatal infections in those with weakened immune systems (infants, elderly, HIV, etc.).

One thing is obvious: if you’re pregnant, you should be eating better than the Marketside Grab and Go Sandwiches that have been recalled. You probably also shouldn’t be feeding them to an infant. And while the USDA Food Safety and Inspection Service wouldn’t name the single retail chain that these sandwiches were distributed to, a quick search of “Marketside Grab and Go Sandwiches” showed that retailer is—wait for it—WalMart! Knowing the usual WalMart clientele, it is now obvious how pregnant women and infants are going to get sick from this meat. For this recall, at least, the origin of the disease has not yet been stated (that I’ve seen).

The reason for the infected eggs, however, has been narrowed down to three possibilities: rodents, contaminated hens, or tainted feed. All of which, I’m sure, can be prevented if you have responsible chicken farmers who don’t keep their hens cooped up (literally) and who don’t feed them the awful food they generally get.

The eggs, by the way, are coming from Hillandale Farms and Wright County Egg (both in Iowa) and have been much more widely distributed than the tainted meat. According to the AP:

“The eggs recalled Friday were distributed under the brand names Hillandale Farms, Sunny Farms, Sunny Meadow, Wholesome Farms and West Creek. The new recall applies to eggs sold between April and August.

“Hillandale said the eggs were distributed to grocery distribution centers, retail groceries and food service companies which service or are located in fourteen states, including Arkansas, California, Iowa, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska, North Dakota, Ohio, South Dakota, Texas, and Wisconsin.”[1]

For once, we’re lucky to live in Pennsylvania. If you’re not “lucky” enough to live in PA, or unlucky enough to live in one of the above states, be sure to check the information at your local grocery stores and steer clear of the brands listed above. It would also be a good idea to be sure that your eggs come from pastured, grass-fed chickens, which won’t have the problem of eating tainted food. As an even better idea, if you have the option, get your eggs from your local grower’s market. They will be cheaper, better tasting, and better quality than any of the eggs you get in your grocery store.

[1] www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38741401/ns/health-food_safety/Story continues below More below

Whenever I go to Canada, I’m always surprised at some of the food items they have that can’t be found in America. We’re the fattest country in the world, but somehow our friendly—and decidedly more healthy—neighbors to the North have so many snack options that put ours to shame in terms of variety and deliciousness. And unhealthiness. How do they do it? Chances are, Canadians are much more responsible than Americans; most of us are gluttons with little or no self-control when it comes to eating. Many Americans don’t even know what a normal portion of food is.

But I digress—my intentions were not to talk about how badly America handles its food, but about how well Canada does theirs. There are many food-related reasons I always look forward to going to Canada, and most of them are more “hog” than “healthy.” Just the French fries are enough to draw me back time after time. How poutine has never caught on in the states is beyond me: how can fries covered in cheese curds and gravy possibly be bad?[1] I suppose most people don’t like the term “curd,” but if you can get over that, you’re in for a treat. And one step up from that is Newfie Fries (so named after the Newfoundlanders): fries topped in turkey stuffing and gravy. How is this not the biggest fast food craze in the US? If you called it “Thanksgiving Fries” you’d have a best-seller on your hands. Someone please do this, because it is a true celebration of the taste buds.

And the chips. O, the chips! We love to snack on chips in America, so why don’t we have roasted chicken flavor or sour cream and bacon or hot wing or Zesty Cheese Doritos? Or the amazing All Dressed by Ruffles, a palate-busting combination of three or four different chip flavors all rolled into one. Whenever I go to Canada, or whenever Girlfriend’s parents come to visit the states, there is always a bag of All Dressed involved. I think I would cry if I ever went all the way to Canada and missed out on those tangy, delicious wonders of nature.

Even though I mentioned Donair sauce in a previous article, I would be remiss to ignore it here. We made it a point to order pizza once while we were there (not Sonny’s, unfortunately) just to get the sauce. We had two “combination” pizzas—green peppers and mushrooms—and one large order of garlic sticks with bacon[2]. This time, the pizza was from a place called Fatboy’s (you can tell it’s good by the name) and the donair sauce was even better than I remembered. Though while it seems that most of the other stuff mentioned is available throughout Canada, you’ll probably have to go a little further East to the Maritimes to find the sauce.

Needless to say, the vacation to Canada didn’t do any favors for my healthy eating initiative. It was, of course, constantly justified with the “But it’s vacation!” line. At least, that’s what I was doing because I have no self-control. Girlfriend made sure to keep things reasonable, for the most part, and even kept me reigned in as much as she could[3].

Now, there’s not much I love more than junk food, but we did have much more variety on my food trip through the Maritimes, so check back on Wednesday to learn about the higher quality food we ate.

[1] They can’t.

2 In the Maritimes, “garlic sticks” actually means a pizza crust covered in garlic (and, in this case, bacon), cooked and cut into strips; they’re not the doughy mockeries you get here.

3 As evidenced by the fact that I only ordered fish and chips once and didn’t get poutine at all (I got Newfie fries instead this time around).

Breakfast is the easiest meal of the day—and the most important. Neither of us want to get up any earlier than we already do, so we keep it simple. An egg casserole filled with veggies and topped with a small bit of cheese is not only great for you (and filling), it only takes about an hour to make—including 35 minutes when it’s baking and you have to do absolutely nothing. Portion it out and you have a week’s worth of breakfasts that take two minutes in the microwave. Dunkin Donuts can’t even get you breakfast that fast. When we want something a little more fresh, it’s as simple as:

½ C Fat-free yogurt

1 C Kashi Go-Lean cereal

Any berries you want

Drizzle of agave nectar

Including taking everything out of the refrigerator and putting them back, it takes five minutes to prepare.

Dinner is also easy, if you want it to be. There are endless numbers of cookbooks dedicated to meals that take 20-30 minutes to prepare and cook. Rachel Ray has a show dedicated to them. South Beach has a 30 minute cookbook. Cookinglight.com has a section of quick and easy meals, broken up into 20, 30, or 40 minute categories. It seems everyone caters to the person with no time to cook, except the person themselves.

Lunch is a write-off as far as time goes. Make extra dinner, package a portion and have leftovers for lunch. Done. Even if you don’t want leftovers (or don’t have them), preparing a salad while dinner is cooking or taking all the necessary items for a week of sandwiches to work is quick, easy, and so much better for you than anything from a fast-food establishment.

It’s also cheaper. For Girlfriend and I, our average grocery bill is $200 per week. If we were to both eat out, I’d assume we’d each pay $5 for breakfast and $8 for lunch (which is conservative), on average. That’s $26 per day, $130 per week. That leaves us $80 in our grocery budget for dinners all week—$16 per night for the both of us combined—and we haven’t even accounted for the weekends. Whoops!

Unfortunately, I can already hear the naysayers: I don’t have two hours on Sunday. I don’t have an amazing girlfriend like you to help me. My worst-case scenario came when Girlfriend went to Chicago on business for the last week of June. I was on my own. I didn’t have a car. The World Cup was on and I didn’t want to leave the couch on Sunday. Sunday night for dinner, I did the easiest thing imaginable, something I like to call “pasta whatevera.” Cook pasta; while doing so, sauté veggies and heat sauce. Combine. Dinner in 20 minutes. Be sure to make extras for lunch.

Monday, while I was at work, I used my lunch break and the aforementioned South Beach 30-minute meal book to plan my meals for the week. Not having a car and not wanting to carry everything at once, all I had to do was stop at the grocery store every day on the way home from work and pick up ingredients for that night only[1]. Each night only needed a few ingredients; shopping took me ten minutes each day. Since I’d made it part of my commute, it didn’t seem like it was taking anything away from my couch time.

Eating quick, easy and healthy meals every day at home can be done, but the priority must be made. DVR your show and watch it while you eat. Talk to your girlfriend while you cook. Surf the internet at the office when you should be working. Whatever you do, cook most of your meals at home. It will be much healthier and much more cost-effective than the alternative. And trust me: you’ve got the time.

Check back before the weekend for a few simple recipes and ideas for quick, inexpensive and healthy meals.

[1] I’d also planned well enough to “trickle down” ingredients. If I needed something for two separate meals, I’d buy enough the first night and I wouldn’t have to worry about it the second night.

When people tell me they’d love to eat better but just don’t have the time, I think: “You’re lazy and full of shit.” This is a bit hypocritical—I, myself, am lazy and oftentimes full of shit—so what I actually say is, “I don’t think that’s completely accurate.”

Unless you’re working 18 hours a day, you’ve got time to cook. The Duggar family eats home-cooked meals every day and they’ve got NINETEEN kids. Nineteen! And while Michelle is cooking dinner, there’s a 98% chance she’s either pregnant or actually in labor. If you can watch your favorite TV show, surf Facebook, or chat with your best friend on the phone, you’ve got time to cook—which can usually be done concurrently with any of those activities. When people say they don’t have time to cook, it just means cooking isn’t a priority for them. The Bachelor is more important than a home-cooked, healthy meal.

But, if you’d like to get your priorities in order, it won’t take a major life realignment. Girlfriend and I both work full-time jobs (which often become more-than-full-time jobs), have a dog, a commute, and generally active lives—yet still manage to cook at home at least six nights a week. This includes breakfast, lunch and dinner. How do we possibly have time for all that?

Every Sunday morning, with a pot of coffee and a sleepy pug between us, Girlfriend and I menu-plan for the week. This takes, at most, an hour of surfing various websites, saving links to recipes, and writing up a grocery list. As an added time-saver, if you use the same website for all of your recipes (ie, cookinglight.com), they can usually combine everything into a grocery list for you. All you have to do is print it out.

After the menu for the week is set and the list is written, we head to the grocery store. It usually takes us anywhere from an hour and a half to two hours, but only because we’re food nerds who like to browse and examine all the cool produce and meats and fish. Also, our Whole Foods has a tavern—there’s no time waster like beer and wine at the grocery store. But, when we’ve been in a hurry, we’ve made it through and entire week’s worth of shipping in less than 45 minutes. So far, we’ve used two hours of our time and the hardest part is over.

Check back later this week for a few quick and easy ideas for each meal of the day. Also upcoming this week is a rundown of all the amazing food we had in Canada. Stay tuned!

Only, as it turns out, if the federal government paid WalMart the difference between the cost of their shoes and the cost of Nike’s. You see, the lavish corn subsidies the government doles out (to the tune of $41.8 BILLION between 1995 and 2004) is what is mainly responsible for the fact that a McDonald’s extra value meal is cheaper than a box of lettuce. But what, you ask, does corn have to do with your Big Mac, 64 oz Coke and large fry?

It is first important to know that the huge corn subsidies encourage overproduction. A bushel of corn—about 56 pounds—costs $2. The same bushel costs a farmer over $3 to produce. Now, anyone with any kind of business sense—or any kind of sense at all—knows this is not going to end well for the farmer. So does the federal government; but instead of encouraging farmers to produce less to increase the price so they can make a profit (a little idea we like to call “supply and demand”), the feds pay out subsidies, ensuring farmers make up the difference not only to break even, but to turn a profit. Afterall, why continue doing something if you were going to perpetually break even? Now farmers are guaranteed to make a profit on whatever they produce—so why not produce as much as they possibly can?

This leads to an overabundance of cheap corn—so what do we do with it? First, about 50 percent goes to feeding animals that will eventually by processed into the burger or chicken nuggets in your extra value meal—whether it’s good for the animal or not. Much like humans, cows get fatter faster when fed a corn-based diet, giving Concentrated Animal Feeding Operation (CAFO) operators more cost-efficiency and a higher profit margin with a greater and faster turn-around for less. Unfortunately, the “grain fed” mystique applied to cows is just that—smoke and mirrors. Their meat is higher in saturated fat than that of a pastured cow, and the cow is pumped with antibiotics to combat the diseases brought on by feeding them corn (one of which is e. Coli)[1]. The meat going into your burger has now become infinitely cheaper—and infinitely more dangerous.

Another five percent of corn is turned into the mother of all sweeteners—High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS). Coupled with the USDA’s sugar tariffs, HFCS is ridiculously cheaper than cane sugar, which allows soft drink companies (and the plethora of other companies that use HFCS to sweeten their foods) to slash costs. But instead of just lowering the prices of their items, they’ve done what any true American would do: they’ve kept the prices the same, but increased portion size. Which is why you can now get six liters of Coke for the same price as a single jug of all natural apple juice.

The cheapness and abundance of corn and its by-products has not only skewed the cost of processed foods vs. whole foods, it’s also kicked off a virtual dietary holocaust. Between 1975 and 1997, per capital consumption of HFCS jumped from almost nothing to 60.4 pounds per year, which equals about 200 extra calories per person per day. In the past 25 years, thanks to the cheapening of processed food, caloric intake has risen a total of 300 calories per person, per day. The obesity rate went from 15% in 1960 to 31% in 1980, and since 1980 has increased an additional 42%—which means two thirds of Americans are now overweight or obese; that’s 66 percent! In almost the same amount of time, from 1980 to 2004, the percentage of disposable income Americans spent on food fell from 15.4% to 10.8%.

All in all, we’re spending less money on food (less, even, than any other industrialized nation) and getting fatter because of it. Fatter and unhealthier. From 1997-2004, the rate of type II diabetes climbed 41 percent.

Before I get too off-track and begin to rant on the veritable environmental disaster that is corn[2], I will try to wrap things up with my original point: the government needs to stop subsidizing the over-production of corn. This would make soft drinks, candy, overly processed beef, chicken, and a host of other things reflect their true market value. We would see, then, that these foods aren’t really cheaper than whole foods—the government has just forced them to be that way.

Note: A great deal of the information presented herein has been gleaned from three main sources. One is Michael Pollan, specifically in his article “When a Crop Becomes King.” Another is Kate Hopkins’ article “Tariffs and Subsidies – The Literal Cost of High Fructose Corn Syrup,” and finally, Tom Philpott’s “How the feds make bad-for-you food cheaper than healthful fare.”

[1] Cows have rumens, which have a neutral pH and allow them to digest grass. Any diseases in the cows stomach will not be able to survive in our acidy stomachs. The corn causes the acid level in the rumen to rise, causing painful acidosis for the cows, but also allowing the germs inside to develop a resistance to the acid in our stomachs.

2 Quickly: corn requires more nitrogen fertilizer and pesticide than any other crop, the runoff of which flows from the Midwest to the Mississippi River and into the Gulf of Mexico, where it has created a 12,000 square mile “dead zone” that fish cannot survive in.

A recent scientific study by Sadie Barr and Jonathan Wright of the Department of Biology at Pomona College in California suggests there is a scientific reason to prefer whole foods over processed foods. They studied a sample size of 15 people, for one meal giving them sandwiches of multi-grain bread and cheddar cheese, and another meal consisting of white bread and processed cheese product[2]. The study measured three processes associated with eating and expending energy:

Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) – the energy cost associated with keeping the body at rest.

Active Metabolic Rate (AMR) – the energy expenditure resulting from daily physical activities.

Diet-Induced Thermogenesis (DIT) – the body’s increase in metabolism following the ingestion of food. In other words, the energy expended after eating: food breakdown, enzyme synthesis, peristalsis, etc. The study says this is responsible for about 10% of our total energy expenditure every day.

I’m not going to bother with their methods and how they measured and what kind of sample sizes they used—that can all be read in the study itself if one would be so inclined. What I will point out is “each meal derived the same proportion of energy from both the bread and cheese (60% bread, 40% cheese). WF meal composition was 40% carbohydrate, 39% fat, and 20% protein; PF meal composition was 50% carbohydrate, 33% fat, and 15% protein. The WF meal has approximately three times the amount of dietary fiber than the PF meal.”

The higher protein (which is the hardest macronutrient for your body to break down and process) as well as the presence of so much more fiber (which decreases the efficiency of food assimilation during digestion) in whole foods should immediately give you a hint at the results. The entire whole foods meal turned out to be much less efficiently digested, which is a good thing. You stay fuller longer, your body expends more energy while you do nothing. The two sandwiches were the same amount of calories; the makeup of one made the body burn more calories and take more time to digest it.

The result of eating more processed foods, therefore, is that the body expends less of the energy it takes in, leaving you with extra calories. It digests faster, making you hungry again sooner. The downward spiral of eating mainly processed foods should begin to emerge here: the more processed foods you eat, the more you’ll need to feel satiated.

The energy expended digesting. Whole foods are represented by squares, processed foods by triangles.

Another alarming statistic from the processed foods dealt with the BMR. Remember, this is just the energy burned to keep the body at rest—to allow you to sit on the couch after a meal and watch TV. The participants were studied for six hours after eating the sandwich, measuring their DIT every hour. The energy expended to digest the whole meal did not reach the resting energy rate for the body, even after six hours. That means, after six hours of sitting around after eating, the people who ate the whole meal were burning extra energy the entire time. For the processed meal, however, the energy expended hit the resting rate at the fifth hour and actually dropped below the resting energy rate in the sixth hour! That means that, after eating the processed food, they actually started using less energy than was required to keep their body at a resting rate.

The moral of the study is whole foods help you stay fuller and burn more energy—even in a state of rest—than processed foods. Which is alarming, as Americans are eating more and more processed foods all the time, be they pre-packaged microwavable meals at the grocery store or whatever is picked up at the drive-thru. This is a good example of why two-thirds of Americans are either overweight or obese.

The solution is easy. It’s beyond easy, actually: stop eating processed foods. Or, if that’s too much of a leap for you, eat as much less as you can. Seventy-five percent of your grocery shopping should be done on the perimeter of the store: the fruits and vegetables, meat and dairy. Whole foods. Natural foods. I am living proof that a massive plate of vegetables (most deliciously in stir-fry form) is much more filling than a McDonald’s extra value meal. Whenever we would eat processed foods, I would always have room for potato chips as a snack—more processed food. When we eat more whole foods, though, I never seem to have room later in the night for much of a snack. And not only does it keep you fuller longer, you get to eat more because it’s so much better for you. I could eat a Double Quarter Pounder at McDonald’s and be fine, or I could eat a pound of asparagus and still come out on top. This is important for someone like me, where quantity is such a driving factor in the way I feed myself.

And I know it’s easy for people to say what should be done, but trust me: I am living proof. Since I’ve switched my diet to predominantly whole foods, I have lost weight, I have more energy, and I just all-around feel better about myself. That’s not to say I don’t occasionally crave the #2 at Wendy’s (because I do. A lot). I just make sure to limit my intake. Before I moved in with Girlfriend, I ate Wendy’s probably 2-3 times a week. Now, I eat there maybe once a quarter. And I am 100% better for it.

The entire study, “Postprandial energy expenditure in whole-food and processed-food meals: implications for daily energy expenditure” (“Postprandial” means after eating), can be found at http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2897733/, which has the full text version, an abstract, and a PDF version.

[1] For more on said woes, read Michael Pollan’s The Omnivore’s Dilemma and In Defense of Food and Eric Schlosser’s Fast Food Nation.

[2] Meal One: Sara Lee Hearty & Delicious 100% Multi-Grain and Sargento Natural Medium Cheddar. Meal Two: Weber’s Enriched Bread and Kraft Singles American pasteurized prepared cheese product.

The idea behind the Stumble (this year’s being the 11th annual) is an ever-expanding cadre of local breweries each bring a keg and a few representatives to Nodding Head. The first brewery to kick their keg gets a trophy and bragging rights for the next year.  That each brewery is trying their damnedest to get rid of their beer only benefits those lucky enough to attend, assuring everyone they will never have an empty glass.

And, to be sure, your glass is full from the time you walk up the flight of stairs to get into the bar; people with pitchers lean over the railing to try to be the first to pour you a beer.  From then on, there is a constant stream of pitchers being walked around the room in addition to the kegs set up at each of the booths along the wall of the brewery.

This year offered an excellent selection of local breweries, as well as a few not-so-local but just as excellent.  Each brewery, of course, offered one beer:

Dock St.: Saison Du Potts
Dogfish Head: Festina Peche
Earth Bread + Brewery: Glutinus Minimus
Flying Fish: Farmhouse Ale
General Lafayette: Barren Hill Best Bitter
Nodding Head: Grog
Ommegang: Rare Vos
Philadelphia Brewing Co: Pennsylvania Pale Ale
Sly Fox: Helles
Stewart’s: Coffee Stout
Stoudt’s: Heifer in Wheat
Triumph: Saison
Troegs: Sunshine Pils
Twin Lakes: Greenville Pale Ale
Victory: Helios
Yards: Philly Pale Ale

It was nice to see a nice selection of saisons—which are fast becoming one of my favorite styles—and a dark beer thrown in for good measure.  The three bolded above easily stood out amongst the rest and were some of the few I voluntarily went back for seconds (or thirds[1]).  I didn’t go back, however, to General Lafayette, despite having a soft spot in my heart for them[2].  Whoever was manning the keg looked like he couldn’t have been more bored.  Not a good look for a restaurant and brewery that has recently claimed financial woes and—one would think—would want to try to entice more customers with some excitement about their beer.

And thank god Stewart’s was good and the people were nice, because Girlfriend and I ended up going back to them more than anyone.  Not because Girlfriend liked the beer—she didn’t particularly care for it at first—but because every time you took one of their pours, you got a sticker.  At the end of the festival, the person with the most stickers won a 5-pound bag of the artisanal coffee used to brew the stout.  Not being much of a beer fan, and having nothing better to do at a beer festival, Girlfriend made it her one and only goal for the remaining three or so hours to win that coffee.  She talked almost everyone in the bar into giving her a stick—some as many as five or six.  Her quest endeared her to Suzanne Woods, Ric Hoffman, and a plethora of men helping her achieve her goal.  Which she did, blowing away any feasible competition with a whopping 146 stickers.  I think second place had 12.

Not even counting the bonus of not having to buy coffee for the next eight years, the Royal Stumble was extremely fun.  It didn’t have the air of a higher class clientele that SAVOR did, but it also didn’t have the level of let’s-get-wasted-for-cheap douchebaggery that I found at the Winterfest we attended in February[3].  The Stumble was nestled perfectly in the middle and offered a great time to everyone involved, even a Girlfriend who doesn’t like beer.  And if that’s not a clear indication of its greatness (or its 11 years and running), I don’t know what is.

[2] When Girlfriend and I moved to Philadelphia in 2007, General Lafayette was where she took me to celebrate me getting my first job in the city.

[3] The fact that tickets are only available at the bar or by phone definitely helps.

The first and most obvious reason is I am continuing to lose weight. I am a very immediate results-driven person, which is why I give up on things so easily.  I can’t play like Jimmy Page after an hour of guitar practice? I give up.  I don’t have abs like Christian Bale after a week in the gym? I’m wasting my time. And while I may not be getting the results I feel I deserve (I should automatically lose a pound every time I pass up French fries), the results are there and they are tangible.  I am even sensing my clothes are becoming slightly baggier; whether this is reality or imagination, I don’t care.

The second reason is a few indulgences I had this week.  On Friday, there was a fund-raiser/pot-luck at work, and let’s just say no one seems as concerned as I am about what they eat.  That’s not to say the food was bad—just bad for you.  I allowed myself a sausage and peppers (sans bun), some coleslaw my co-worker said I absolutely had to try (it was basically coleslaw salad mix and mayo and not very good), potato salad[1], and homemade meatballs in homemade pasta sauce (the highlight).

I held back more than I normally would in this kind of food free-for-all (my usual consumption can be seen in my post about the Phillies game in June) because I knew Saturday would be a bit of a blowout at Nodding Head Brewery’s Royal Stumble (more on this later)—a four-hour beer festival and BBQ buffet.  There was no way I could pass up pulled pork, macaroni salad and potato fritters with a delicious spicy sauce.  It would’ve been stupid to, anyway—I’d rather eat a few extra calories than drink for four hours on an empty stomach.[2]

When it all was said and done, my restraint at work during the normal week (especially with the return of my boss’s candy basket) and Girlfriend’s wonderful home cooking—and don’t forget a trip to the gym here and there—allowed me to partake a little extra over the weekend and still not only come out on top weight-wise, but to still feel good about myself.

And this, as far as I’m concerned, is the best way to do it.   Allow yourself small indulgences every once in a while—just not too much or too often. If you don’t, your cravings continually build and build until you can no longer contain them.  Before you know it, you’re sitting at McDonald’s with six orders of large fries and three milkshakes.  Trust me.

TIP: While this may seem obvious[3], whenever you can, make your indulgences healthy—or at least healthier than the original.  Every few months, I start to build up an intense craving for Chinese food. It gets to the point where whenever Girlfriend mentions food, all I think of is sweet, sweet General Tso. So to keep this—and the obscene amount of sodium—at bay, whenever we eat at the local Whole Foods prepared food bar, I try to get something Chinese.  Be it the Szechuan tofu or whatever else they have on offer, it will not only be better for me, but I can get a serving without ordering a 2-pound tub of it and getting 30 ounces of rice on the side.

Unfortunately, I have yet to find a healthy alternative to Cool Ranch Doritos.

[2] And that, my friends, is how you justify overeating: it’s just the smart thing to do!

[3] Although a lot of things seem obvious when it comes to eating right, but turn out to be quite the opposite.  Like, whole grain Pringles are NOT healthy.

TOTALLY FRIED

Oreo Beignet – Valanni – Philadelphia, PA

When Girlfriend first suggested we try to Oreo Beignets she had heard about at Valanni, my first thought was, “What the hell’s a beignet?” My second thought was, “I don’t like Oreos.” When she explained to me what a beignet was, though, my third thought was, “Deep fried? I’m in.” And boy, was I ever. This is so much better than your usual deep-fried Oreo (which I’ve also had, of course). The batter is lighter, it is filled with a creamy goo that oozes out after you break into it, and the Oreos are soft and warm. It’s like a deep-fried Oreo taken past the next level and to the level after that. We don’t repeat restaurants often (there are just so many we want to try), and when we do it is even more rare that we repeat courses. The beignets, however, have not only brought us back to Valanni but back to the same course. And I’m sure they will, in time, bring us back once again.

WITH BACON

Pork Crispy Treat – Kraftwerk – Philadelphia, PA

Pork Crispy Treat

Before we begin, let’s admit it: anything “with bacon” is excellent. If you asked me to eat poison ivy, I would think you were nuts. If you offered it to me wrapped in bacon, though, I would probably take the risk of the itchy mouth. Now, everybody’s had the usual stuff with bacon—eggs, mushrooms, scallops, filet, etc. etc. Bacon goes with EVERYTHING. I’ve had chocolate covered bacon. But nothing was quite so interesting or delightful as the Pork Crispy Treat at Kraftwerk. It takes the idea of a rice crispy treat, but replaces the rice crispies with crumbled up pork rinds; the top is sprinkled with bacon and drizzled with chocolate. It’s chewy, it’s crunchy, it’s salty, it’s sweet; it’s everything you could possibly want in an entire meal, let alone a dessert. And it’s got bacon in it, which makes it that much better.

OBSESSIONS

Romanburger – Mr. Hero – Multiple Ohio locations
Donair Sauce – Sonny’s Pizza – Glace Bay, Nova Scotia

Of all the things I could be obsessed with—all the great food in Philadelphia, or New York, or anywhere else, I choose a fast food artery clogger and a glorified garlic sauce. But my god, are they good. These are two things I have to get whenever I am in the location—the Romanburger whenever I go home to Cleveland, donair sauce whenever Girlfriend goes home to Nova Scotia.

The Romanburger is a greasy, grayish meat patty with onions, salami, lettuce, tomato, sauce, and about 125 grams of fat and 1,800 calories. That’s on the 14-inch version—the only version I’ll get. Go big or go home, right? The Romanburger (which Michael Symon has listed as a guilty pleasure) is a once-in-a-great-while indulgence that will make your heart slow and your stomach groan, but it is worth every greasy, sketchy, absolutely delicious bite. Be sure to get your combo with cheese sauce for the waffle fries, too. It really can’t hurt that much.

Donair sauce is something I discovered when Girlfriend took me to her home pizza shop, Sonny’s Pizza, for a slice the first time we visited. Since then, I’ve gone to Sonny’s Pizza every time we’ve been back. One slice, with donair sauce, is about $2.50 Canadian; aside from being a great deal, it’s fantastic. Donair sauce, which seems to be limited to the Maritimes, is a sugary garlic sauce that comes as a cloudy white gel. As many people know, I am a royal disciple of Ranch dressing, but donair sauce is even greater than Ranch when it comes to dipping pizza crust—or the entire pizza. The garlic marries perfectly with the classic pizza toppings and sauce, and the sugary sweetness of the donair sauce gives the pizza an extra dimension. When we go back in August, my one goal remains: go back to Sonny’s at some point and get a slice.

WAKE UP CALL

Moco Loco – Kihei Café – Kihei, Maui, HI
The Kitchen Sink – Green Egg Café – Philadelphia, PA

The Moco Loco. My excitement is evident.

Breakfast might just be my favorite meal to eat out, which makes paring the selections down to two—let alone one—extremely difficult. I am a loyal disciple of eggs benedict, any kind of breakfast potato, and anything with the word “hash,” yet none of these things made the list on their own, which means you know these two have to be good.

When Girlfriend and I started planning our trip to Hawaii for our friend’s wedding, the first thing that jumped out at me was the Moco Loco, and apparently the Kihei Café was the best place to get one. Naturally, we stopped by for breakfast one day and, naturally, it turned out to be oh so true. The Moco Loco is a pile of fried rice—about two cups worth—topped with a hamburger patty, topped with a fried egg, and smothered in gravy. I placed my order, and the guy at the counter (who was extremely friendly) asked if I wanted to add bacon to the rice. I don’t know if I’ve ever been so happy in my life. “Of course!” I said. “That’s what we call the Big Daddy,” he told me. I could see why. When I had finished—and when my heart stopped palpitating—I knew the trip to Hawaii had been worth every penny.  [As an afterward, I just found out this has been named the fattiest food in Hawaii by health.com.]

The formidable Kitchen Sink

But then I got back to the mainland, and then Green Egg Café opened in South Philly. As I went down the menu on our first trip there, the Kitchen Sink shone out at me with a light that seemed from heaven. Not only was it named perfectly for someone like me, but the description was also perfect: Green Egg’s signature breakfast potato with peppers and other veg, their sausage gravy, your choice of meat, and two eggs cooked your way. All with a biscuit on top. It truly was the kitchen sink. And it was delicious. I got fried eggs, of course, to take advantage of the yolk, and chorizo sausage to get some delicious grease to mix in with the gravy. It was amazing. Unfortunately, they seem to have made up your mind for you recently and picked your meat and only give you scrambled eggs, but the first go-round was amazing. And amazingly filling, which I find to be very important in my food.

More Best Thing Ever to come, dear readers. But first, next up will be my recap of the Royal Stumble, a local beer fest that South Beach will have absolutely nothing to do with.